Sex lines

If you're familiar with England, you're probably going to know what a Somerset accent sounds like. People think "farmer", and that's more or less what you're getting.

If you're not familiar with the Bristolian dialect (inhabitants of Bristol, UK speak this), you should think "like a pirate". That's pretty damn close, and closer than your average Somerset accent to boot.

Imagine a pirate on a sex line.

Can you?

Eliminate the "Yarrrrr", and you'd have a Bristolian sex line. Come on, how awesome would that be?

A good example of Bristolian porn has to belong to an "adult actress" that I heard of only last week. Her name is Cathy Barry, and she's absolutely brilliant. If you're not offended by films of an adult nature, please please please check her out, because her accent in a supposedly erotic situation is absolutely obsurd.

Here endeth the gospel of Bristolian porn.

Things you shouldn't click on...

But you inevitably do.

THE MOST TERRIFYING THING YOU'LL EVER SEE. ONLY CLICK HERE IF YOUR [sic] OVER 18!!!!!11

You hover over the link and you see that it's going to some dodgy ad-agency that just counts your click and presents you with one-hundred extra popups. You know where it's going to go. You've clicked a similar link before.

You're going to click it anyway.

Why?

I have no idea. I'm guilty of exactly the same thing.

Shoot 10 ducks to win a free ipod!!!!1 *

Where the asterisk refers to a hidden paragraph somewhere in the page where it "clearly" states that it's subject to you shooting all 10 ducks, then filling out a one-hundred page questionnaire and then referring 35 friends to the same page who must do exactly the same as you have.

You want to shoot those ten ducks.

Something is telling you to shoot those ten ducks.

If it's not ten ducks, it's squashing a spider with a boot, or something equally trivial.

If you're going to click something you shouldn't, at least make it a porn banner.