Tip of the day

Upon collection of your copy of Metro, please do your best to read it whilst walking along a busy pavement with hundreds of people trying to get to work.

In addition to this, ensure to avoid walking in a straight line. That way it'll make it harder for people going faster than a stationary object to overtake you.

Sex lines

If you're familiar with England, you're probably going to know what a Somerset accent sounds like. People think "farmer", and that's more or less what you're getting.

If you're not familiar with the Bristolian dialect (inhabitants of Bristol, UK speak this), you should think "like a pirate". That's pretty damn close, and closer than your average Somerset accent to boot.

Imagine a pirate on a sex line.

Can you?

Eliminate the "Yarrrrr", and you'd have a Bristolian sex line. Come on, how awesome would that be?

A good example of Bristolian porn has to belong to an "adult actress" that I heard of only last week. Her name is Cathy Barry, and she's absolutely brilliant. If you're not offended by films of an adult nature, please please please check her out, because her accent in a supposedly erotic situation is absolutely obsurd.

Here endeth the gospel of Bristolian porn.