Spider Squatters
Generally I don't mind mind sharing my house with spiders, just as long as they mind their own business.
To be fair, most of them do. You can go about your daily business, watch TV, do your ironing, and the spiders will just mosey on down the wall for a bit of a stroll and then go back to their corner. Everything's fine.
But there are always a few that are just trouble.
Don't ask me why, but there are a few that just have it in for me. Eight-legged terrorists.
The worst of the bullies are those that actively try and catch you out by spinning webs in the most ludicrous places.
I have a garden path to my house which has hedges either side in parallel.
Front door
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Entrance
So why in god's name would a spider think it's a good idea to spin one right across the two hedges, therefore blocking my entrance to the house? Hang on, but it's not blocking my entrance is it. No. It's just going to cover me in web when I walk through it like a spider finishing line. I've caught him at it on a few occasions and cut the web to leave him hanging up-side-down and probably shaking his tiny fists with fury, but more often than not, I've been picking spider web off of my jeans.
Just last week the same spider (I assume only one spider could be this vindictive) managed to spin a web right across the front door. Across the place where my face was about to pass through. Oh yes. I strode through the front door after a long hard day at the office to get a solid line of spider web right across my face.
The battle rages on even now as I remove spider silk from my eyebrows. I'll name him, and then I'll blog about the war of webs as it progresses.
It's not just the terrorists either. It's the creepy ones.
Spiders are usually just as scared of you as you are of them but when I see one sat on the wall and it makes me jump, it's because they've been there the whole time staring at me, and I find that disconcerting.
It's like in those detective thrillers when the protagonist walks into his office to find someone already sat behind the desk in the dark with a glass of red wine.
"Hello Karl. I've been expecting you."
Stay tuned for further complaints...
To be fair, most of them do. You can go about your daily business, watch TV, do your ironing, and the spiders will just mosey on down the wall for a bit of a stroll and then go back to their corner. Everything's fine.
But there are always a few that are just trouble.
Don't ask me why, but there are a few that just have it in for me. Eight-legged terrorists.
The worst of the bullies are those that actively try and catch you out by spinning webs in the most ludicrous places.
I have a garden path to my house which has hedges either side in parallel.
Front door
| |
| |
| |
| |
Entrance
So why in god's name would a spider think it's a good idea to spin one right across the two hedges, therefore blocking my entrance to the house? Hang on, but it's not blocking my entrance is it. No. It's just going to cover me in web when I walk through it like a spider finishing line. I've caught him at it on a few occasions and cut the web to leave him hanging up-side-down and probably shaking his tiny fists with fury, but more often than not, I've been picking spider web off of my jeans.
Just last week the same spider (I assume only one spider could be this vindictive) managed to spin a web right across the front door. Across the place where my face was about to pass through. Oh yes. I strode through the front door after a long hard day at the office to get a solid line of spider web right across my face.
The battle rages on even now as I remove spider silk from my eyebrows. I'll name him, and then I'll blog about the war of webs as it progresses.
It's not just the terrorists either. It's the creepy ones.
Spiders are usually just as scared of you as you are of them but when I see one sat on the wall and it makes me jump, it's because they've been there the whole time staring at me, and I find that disconcerting.
It's like in those detective thrillers when the protagonist walks into his office to find someone already sat behind the desk in the dark with a glass of red wine.
"Hello Karl. I've been expecting you."
Stay tuned for further complaints...
Labels: arse, bully, creepy, front door, pain, spider, squatter, terrorist, web
posted by Karl at
8:08 am
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1 comments
