Traffic Patterns

They're determinable to a point, but eventually they start to get a bit ridiculous.

When you do your best to analyse which way the traffic's going to go and when, for the most part you are going to get it wrong.

I've been driving from my hometown into Bristol for nine months now, and I can't work out what causes certain types of congestion.

The rush hour is inevitable because a lot of people in my hometown have to get to, and home from, work at peak times. This I can understand.

What I can't understand however, is how the hell it can change by a thousand cars depending on a factor I have yet to determine.

Wednesday morning. 6:55am. My Dad and I pull out of the usual road onto the usual busy road. It's rammed, and there's traffic queueing back for at least two-hundred yards behind us. We go to work.

Thursday morning. 6:55am. My Dad and I pull out of the road onto the busy road. Nothing there. Not a single car. Empty.

Friday morning. Medium density, not as bad as Wednesday.

The following Monday. Nothing on the road.

Tuesday: Horrendous.

Wednesday: Empty.

What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On?!?!?!

I'm like a mugging victim. If I could work out why it was happening, I'd probably be a bit happier about it. Find routine. Find a way around it. But no!

Raging rant concluded.

Sliproad shenanigans

We've all been there, and we've all thought about possible exit routes. I'm not referring to the sliproad however. I'm referring to the point where you're absolutely dying for a pee / poo, and you're wondering where the hell you're going to get rid of it.

I was taught a lesson in zero self-shame just the other day on my way home from work.

When exiting the sliproad off of the motorway toward the Town where I live, traffic becomes dense. This is because there is little skilled work available within the Town, and people have to commute to the City to find a job. Living outside of the City is favourable however, because of bigger and cheaper housing.

Queues to come off at this junction range between nothing to two miles long.

Whilst sat in this queue of traffic, a gentleman exits his vehicle from the passenger side. I see that the driver is still sat in the queue. The passenger walks over to the motorway barrier, and stands against it, back facing the road.

I immediately know what he's up to. He's taking a slash on the motorway. In front of an entire sliproad of traffic.

The traffic that was once stationary however, is now moving a little. He shuffles along in time with the car, whilst still in full flow, I can only assume.

Traffic speeds up. So does our urinator, only now, he's briskly walking along the sliproad with a stream of urine leading the way, appendage out for all to see. Traffic moves faster. He zips up, and walks back toward the car.

The traffic is now past a crawl. He breaks into a run. It's a race against time to get to the car before the driver gets to the motorway roundabout.

I think the car got about 6 car-lengths back from the traffic lights before it came to a stop, and the passenger got back in.

What I wouldn't have given to see that tosser left on the sliproad of a motorway having just displayed his wang to the general population.

Sometimes things aren't meant to be.

Welcome back

The majority of the population are today waving goodbye to the Christmas period, and saying hello to full working weeks once again.

Some have taken holiday over the Christmas period, others have had their offices closed by default. Some have taken no holiday whatsoever. One way or another, you're likely to be heading back either this week or next week.

What I'm looking to comment on is how people can call a sicky today?!

In some rare cases, I can see a sick day being required. One of my colleagues contracted a flu virus over the Christmas period, but was back for work, so I can understand how this can happen. But surely employers must be getting a little bit suspicious when the majority of their work force doesn't turn up because of a bit of a runny nose / sore throat / other ailment?

This has to be a bit of a lame excuse. I got to work faster than usual today due to the fact that there was zero traffic on the roads. It usually takes me twenty minutes to join the motorway.

Today took two and a half.

Factor out those still on holiday, and I refuse to believe that all of them have no holiday during the year.

While I'm at it, how much holiday do all these people get? School half-term? Traffic greatly reduced. Mid-Summer holidays in Benedorm? Horrendous. Traffic at home is greatly reduced. Christmas? Nothing on the road for weeks.

Skiving gits.

You still have to do it for yourself

You know what I'm talking about.

Pedestrian crossings in the UK require you to push a button in order for the crossing to know you are there. At this point, there is a sign in bright orange that illuminates just above the button you just pushed that says PLEASE WAIT. Now, the traffic system chooses the right break in the traffic to turn the lights red and let you cross.

Straight forward, don't you think?

So why is it that, even though the PLEASE WAIT sign is illuminated, there are people on the crossing waiting and the system is it work, people still feel the need to push the button. Just in case. Just to make sure.

Irrational? Yes. Un-necessary contact with a button that lots of urine-soaked hands have pushed? Indeed.