When the company laugh goes too far

Company laughs are a necessary evil, I understand that. When a potential professional suitor cracks an unfunny joke, you want them to feel that they're special and that you genuinely like them.

However, there is a time when this can go too far, and you may find yourself laughing at your own humour in the same way.

I experienced a case of this sat on a morning commuter train the other day.

The chap next to me was speaking to a woman about his children and the unfunny things that they do, and laughing at every single thing with the exact-same number of repeated guffaws per unfunny occurance.

I can't give you examples because I (thankfully) had headphones in, but I could tell by the look of the woman's face that she wasn't an account manager and was unable to keep the polite grin for much longer.

Next time you're sat opposite a laughter vacuum of a person such as this, do your best to keep a polite smile, but don't feel too bad if you just punch them in the face instead.

I'm sure they'll understand.

It wasn't that funny

Whatever was said, it couldn't have possibly been that funny.

You're in a quiet pub, someone is talking quietly and in a monotone so singular in pitch and volume that not even the driest of wit could inject additional humour. However, the person that captain boring is talking to has the most hideous Hyena-like laugh that fills a room with contempt and silent irritation.

I've seen scenarios play out in this situation before, and the loud laughing is usually due to:

• Someone with low self-esteem who needs to be heard.
• Someone who just doesn't realise how annoying their laugh is.

One way or another, laughing at something that isn't funny is irritating and most peoples' pet-hates.

This is why I will never be able to emulate the company laugh.

The party-goer of death

There are plenty of them.

Most of them are staff party related, and most of them are your partner's staff party related.

Those who've been in that situation have been met with at least one person they didn't get on with. What would make it worse is if that person is sat on your table for the majority of the night.

This brings me to describe the kind of staff party person that I simply don't get on with.

I'm not saying that others don't get on with this sort of person, I'm saying that I don't get on with them.

You greet the person, and they seem perfectly normal. You engage them in a bit of chatter to get friendly, and ease them up. I usually find that after the alcohol's been flowing for about an hour, most of the participants of the conversation tend to loosen up anyway.

After the alcohol starts to loosen their tongue as well as their brain, they begin their butterfly-like transformation into the person that people at parties hope sits somewhere else.

For the sake of argument, and as I have done in the past, we will refer to this particular party-goer as B.

B gets a few drinks in, and begins talking to other people on the table.

Someone else tells a story about their life experience, and about a quarter of the way through with an audience listening intently, B decides that this is a perfect opportunity to tell their story a bit louder, so as to shift the focus of conversation onto themselves. The story is usually either unfunny or unflattering, or both.

A new person visits the table in a bid to mingle with the rest of the crowd. B sees this as an opportunity to say something entirely innappropriate and usually sexual to make the person laugh. This usually makes the table-mingler uncomfortable, and they leave the table, B and the other attendees along with B, flagging and losing patience.

The laugh.

My god, the laugh. It's loud, it's obnoxious and it's happening only when B says something that B finds amusing. Nobody else. In fact, the probable reason that B isn't laughing at anybody else is because B doesn't give them a chance to finish whatever it was that they were trying to say.

The entire evening becomes about B. Half the table can't stand B, and the other half are like B and are therefore loving every minute of it.

The evening comes to an end, and B essentially snatches at the chance of a lift home instead of flagging a cab. B is either unaware or doesn't care whether it's out of the lift-giver's way or not. Only that it gets B home.

I know that you know this person, and whether you like this person or not, they actually drive me insane.