It wasn't that funny

Whatever was said, it couldn't have possibly been that funny.

You're in a quiet pub, someone is talking quietly and in a monotone so singular in pitch and volume that not even the driest of wit could inject additional humour. However, the person that captain boring is talking to has the most hideous Hyena-like laugh that fills a room with contempt and silent irritation.

I've seen scenarios play out in this situation before, and the loud laughing is usually due to:

• Someone with low self-esteem who needs to be heard.
• Someone who just doesn't realise how annoying their laugh is.

One way or another, laughing at something that isn't funny is irritating and most peoples' pet-hates.

This is why I will never be able to emulate the company laugh.

Old school humour

It's dying a death.

When walking back from the football a few weeks ago, I saw a small chap walking the other way walking his dog.

I was with a group of people of ages ranging from mid-twenties to mid-forties, so when I muttered under my breath "Looks like he's walking his horse", I was met with laughter.

If I'd said that to a younger crowd, I'd have been lucky to have achieved a chuckle.

The truth of the matter is that what was once funny twenty years ago to most people is no longer funny to most.

Is this an evolution of humour, or are we working in reverse toward gutter humour and expanding toward the world of carry-on film laughter?

Newsroom humour

This is something that has been parodied countless times to the point where it is now a parody of itself.

Newsreaders either feel the need, or are forced by their superiors to produce some sort of newsroom banter. In my twenty-three years on this planet, I do not recollect any newsroom banter looking even remotely natural.

The formula of this banter is as follows:

• Story unfolds via video tape.
• On-site reporter returns coverage to newsroom.
• News reporter makes a pathetic attempt at humour which is professionally applauded by their co-anchor to keep up appearances.

Example: Story about penguins doing well at Bristol Zoo.

"I'm glad they've sorted that out, or I'd have been flapping.

Ha. Sodding. Ha.

Example: Story about a museum being a listed building and therefore unable to be closed for demolition.

"I bet it's still not as old as me".

I'll bet not.

Whichever way you look at it, I'd love to see the statistics that say that these painful moments are pulling in more viewers. Channel Four refrains from it to the best of my knowledge, so why not follow their lead, BBC and ITV?

It's a tired format that makes me want to gouge out my eyes with a blunt spoon to stop it from happening again.