Comedy Musical Timing

When popping into the loos at work today, I had my MP3 player on, and my playlist had Marilyn Manson's rendition of Sweet Dreams by the Eurythmics.

As I left the toilet, I was humming along, and went to wash my hands.

There's a bit in the song that goes:

"Some of them want to abuse you; some of them want to be abused".

Where abused is screamed by Mr Manson.

Humming turned to muffled singing, as I lathered up my hands blissfully aware that I'd turned on the volcanic tap instead of the cold one.

So on I sang...

"Some of them want to abuse you; some of them want to be.....".

I put my hands under the tap that has releases water at boiling point, and I let out the girliest scream I've heard myself use in quite some time.

"AbuuusaaaahhhahahahahahhhhHHhahahaowwww!"

Big girl's blouse, I know.

Running in the Summer

On my travels, I've noticed a distinct increase in the number of people who've now taken up running.

You know that they've just taken it up because they can barely put one foot in front of the other, their breathing is everywhere, their technique is non-existent, and they're probably doing themselves more harm than good.

The question is, why are they picking the warmest time of the year to pick it up?

Yes, it feels nice when you step out of the house and it's nice and warm, but as soon as you're round the corner, you're battling pollen (if you have hayfever), and what will feel like a searing heat.

When I started running, I started in the Autumn.
As the seasons passed, I enjoyed running in the cold and rain because I didn't feel any of it anyway when I was on my way and had set myself a pace to stick to. Your body warms up to suit to the conditions, and it's much easier to deal with.

For the past few years, I've actually packed up my running during the Summer because I didn't want to die. I'm going to try and keep it gently ticking over this year to see how I get on, but if you're a beginner, for god's sake hang on a few months unless you're training for a race, in which case you're probably mental to be running in August.

Pointlessly hot water

Most commercial buildings that I've been to make this schoolboy error.

Allow me to set the scene.

You've just done something in a public toilet that you'd rather forget. You're anxious to wash your hands, and put that part of your day behind you.

You get a hand full of hand-soap, and you switch on the hot water tap. You lather your hands, remove dirt from your fingernails, and by rinse-time the water you were intending to use is now hotter than the sun. What's the point?

A worthless solution offered to me on more than one occasion was to use the basin's plug and to mix with cold. Have these people ever looked at the state of the basins in public toilets? If I wanted to wash my hands in a sink of pubes, I'd rather they were at least my own. Thankyou very much.

Is it so hard to turn the damned boiler down a bit so that I don't see the skeletal structure of my hand after 0.53 seconds' exposure to it? Water from the hot water tap should not burn!

How has somebody not tried to sue for this yet? There've been more pointless claims in the past.