Just one look at you

"... and I know it's gonna be a lovely day."

A Bill Withers song that couldn't be farther removed from the truth yesterday, although I wasn't looking at anybody in particular to quantify that song having some meaning to me.

I woke up feeling cold and tired, and went into the bathroom for the morning pee. When handling the toilet roll, it falls out of my hand, and straight into a toilet bowl now filled with urine.

Great start.

Off I go downstairs for some breakfast. Did I miss the bowl with both cereal and milk? You betcha.

In the three minute walk from the car to the office, I manage to get attacked with approximately three-hundred gallons of water due to the torrential rain.

I then spend most of the day concentrating on one small part of what should've been an already simple task. I look at the clock, and it reads 10.00am. I look at some work, and look back. 1.00pm. Hardly any ground has been made. I look again - 5.30pm and I have to get home.

Sometimes you know from the outset that your day isn't going to be filled with accomplishment, and it's not always your mindset that convinces you of this. It's the fact that you dropped a toilet roll into a toilet full of pee.

The morning pee

It's one of those things cherished by man since time began. I myself feel like my day has begun after dragging my knuckles in a caveman-like fashion into the cold tiled floor of the bathroom and expelling some urine.

The trouble with the morning pee is that it's inevitably strong, and by the time you're finished the toilet bowl is an entirely different colour to when you started. Bright yellow / orange is not uncommon.

It was only last Saturday that I indulged in the usual past-time of going for the morning pee, and in the usual fashion (Ladies may or may not be aware of this, and dudes may or may not do it) I grab a bit of toilet paper to ensure a dry appendage and prevent cough leakage. cough

Unfortunately, today's morning pee was to be anything but routine. I finished the pee, and reached for the toilet paper as I do every other morning, except that this morning produced radically adverse results.

I knocked the toilet paper without actually picking it up.

The roll isn't a full roll, but it's got a fair bit of paper left on it, and it'll go for the rest of the weekend between a family of five.

It's tilting forward, and all I can do is watch utterly dumbstruck and numb as the toilet paper teeters over the edge of the cistern, and tilts toward the edge.

I watch in slow motion as the roll falls from the cistern and bounces around the toilet seat, almost teasing me. It circles the toilet seat before rolling off of the seat, and into the bright yellow / orange bowl.

A conscious look of horror engulfs my face as I realise what is taking place.

I am given an ultimatum.

I can either reach in and get it now, or I can watch it disintegrate and block up the toilet, causing even worse results.

The choice is a simple one. I reach into the urine-infested toilet and drag out the (now yellow) toilet paper, rinse it under the sink to rinse it off, dump it in a bin-bag, and take it outside.

A loo roll, and my confident ability to flush out the morning pee are now both dead.

Sometimes you just know that your day isn't going to work out.