Paris Hilton let out of prison

So if I dye my hair platinum blonde and release my own perfume, I'll be let out of prison after five days, right?

Unless she has terminal cancer, she's got no excuse.

Nice cheery thought for Friday morning there.

Getting up in the middle of the night

Some of us get up for the daily commute. Some have it worse than others, I'll admit. Some have to get up at stupid o'clock to be in for 9am. I have to get up at 6am to be in for 9am. That's stupid o'clock.

When I wake up it's dark, even at this time of year.

But what makes this worse is the main point of this blog. What I'm driving home is that your partner or family remain peacefully asleep in bed enjoying their extra healthy hours in bed while you fall over various obstacles on your way to the shower.

You can almost audibly hear the Zs being produced while you sit in front of crap early-morning news programmes with your Rice Crispies.

If I didn't like my job, I'd have shot someone by now.

So here it is, merry.. November

[scrooge]

Yes folks, it's that time of year that used to drive me absolutely insane.

In fact, 6 months of the year used to drive me insane. I used to work in a supermarket you see. Formerly known as Safeway, this particular supermarket used to haul in Christmas stock ready for counting in July.

Yes. July.

What made this worse was that Christmas talk was floating around from August. We were pushing stock out onto the shop floor from September, and we were sick of Christmas as a collective staff by November.

To top it all off, we were pushing out crackers in October to the sound of Christmas songs; most of which were not really popular Christmas songs, and in some cases not related to Christmas whatsoever. This wasn't due to Safeway wanting to break up the Christmas songs with something new. It was due to the stone-cold fact that the songs "sounded Christmassy" (new word there. You like?) and would therefore be played because buying the rights to those songs were cheaper.

In fact, you wouldn't catch a single instance of a Paul McCartney Christmas, a Noddy Holder Christmas, or anything of the sort. It was Carpenters and the Doors all the way.

What the hell the longest version of "Light my fire" that I have ever heard has anything to do with Christmas 100% defeats me.

By the time 25th December arrives, you as a lowly shop assistant are absolutely sick and tired of the festive season, and are left wishing that Christmas came but once a decade.

I hate this sodding time of year.

[/scrooge]