The next guy's prostate problems

I have trouble going for a wee in a urinal at the best of times. It's okay when you have those little urinal divider walls, but when it's just an open trough, there are a number of issues to distract you from just getting on and having a wee and getting on with the rest of your life.

The guy next to you is bound to have problems. It's just the nature of weeing in public. Every bloke who stands next to you when you're having a wee has some weird habit that's going to put you off.

It doesn't need to be anything incredibly intrusive, but just the slightest distraction will put me off my "flow". In fact, distractions from the guy standing next to you can fall under any one of these headings.

Standing right next to you even though there are tens of urinals free

The toilet's pretty much sodding empty. Why stand right next to someone? There's no good reason for it where the consequences of performing such an action won't get you arrested and / or punched.

Checking out your willy

As above, but to the point where I can not only no longer wee, I'll never be able to wee in public again. This is like visual rape.

Starting a conversation

It'll end up more than likely being a monologue, because I'm not going to reply. I am here to expel urine, and not to participate in a conference about the weather / football / subjectIDon'tCareAbout. If you feel that you need to talk, talk to your mate, or use a cubicle and talk to the phone numbers scrawled on the wall. I'm sensitive about weeing, okay?

The guy next to you: Prostate problems

You know when older blokes go next to you or into a cubicle, and they have this initial flow of normal wee before they reach a point where they have to PUSH.

Splosh.

Splosh.

Splosh.

Splosh.

Drip drip drip. Shake, and put the mouse back in the house.

I can't help but pay more attention to the sound of that than concentrating on weeing. Granted it's the least distracting of the bunch, but it doesn't seem to take much to put me off.