Reality television

What is our obsession with this stuff?

Big Brother, behind-the-scenes documentaries and gossip magazines all carry a single common denominator.

People you want to know better.

The public's fascination with these categories of material is that they want to understand the personalities of the people. They want to know them like they know their own real friends.

Their own friends aren't necessarily going in and out of rehab with drug addiction, they aren't fighting with someone else you know over something trivial, and they're not gripped in the throes of a dirty divorce, or at least they're not doing any of the above in a fashion that you can deem entertaining.

They want to feel the thrill of knowing that this stuff goes on in peoples' lives without actually having to suffer any fallout. They want accessible drama and to be a part of celebrities' lives. They want to be a sort of one-way-friend.

That's only one step away from stalking you know. So maybe they're not all as sick as you all seem to think. If you're reading gossip magazines and watching Big Brother, just remember everyone. You're one step away from sitting in the bushes outside their house.

No more high horses about that one please.

Trains - The transport of scum

Discounting the usual Monday morning commute, why is it that a popular mode of transport of choice for the scum of the earth happens to be British Rail?

I understand that regular people use it too, but the number of sub-humans that use the train is amazing. What's wrong with the bus? It's cheaper for a start.

Any self-respecting scum of the earth hypodermic-using skag-head would surely go for the slightly more reasonably priced option? It'd mean a few extra pounds to spend on something likely to melt his or her brain.

I recognise that I'm ranting a bit irrationally here, although I'm sure you're probably used to it if you're a regular reader.

Allow me to define scum.

They can't be bothered to wear clean clothes. Their faces are covered with sores and dried skin / filth from years of abuse. They're shivering. They're usually on their cheap mobile to someone about demanding access to the kids they should really be forbidden from coming within twenty yards of. They're wearing a coat that's probably from the mid-nineties and hasn't worn well with age.

If they can't get access to clean clothes and a shower, how the hell can they afford the eight quid for a day-return from Weston-super-Mare to Bristol Temple Meads?!

The point I'm trying to make is that scum really should be saving themselves some cash and getting a mode of transport that I don't use.

Go use the bus or something.