Door locking policy

Our toilet doors at work have a look that it is impossible to determine the locking status of.

You twist a little know either clockwise or anti-clockwise which'll either lock the door, or unlock the door. There's no "Engaged" sign, nor is there a visible bolt that'll determine upon seating whether you're safe or not.

So, if you're anything like me and you're completely absent-minded, you'd better be bloody sure you've locked the door before you drop your trousers.

Due to the lack of "Engaged" sign, you'll find that most people will probably give the door a go before trying the next one. You hear them shuffle around upon entry, and you'll see the handle go down, then back up, then you'll hear them try the next door.


The reasoning for my fear goes back to when I went for a pee one day a few months back. I went in, locked the door, took a pee, and then exited the toilet without having to unlock the door. Turned out I hadn't locked it in the first place.


In summary:

Double-check the toilet lock, or it'll stick in the mind of you and your voyeur(s) for the rest of your collective days.

You'll never get over it, and neither will they. You have been warned.

A fear like no other

Office toilets are usually assigned one for a dozen people anyway, so it's no suprise if you walk into the gents and find that all are currently occupied.

Easy methods of spotting occupation are:

• If the door is closed
  
• Checking for the "Occupied" sign on the lock of the door.
• Looking at the lock-side of the door and seeing if the bolt of the lock has been pulled across.

Not that difficult to spot. If the door is closed and one of its following conditions are met, you can just go ahead and come back in five minutes.

This strategy isn't for everyone however.

Our office toilets are quite cramped, and with each cubicle, when seated your knees are no farther than six inches from the door. It's very up-close and personal.

You and that door become firm friends. A bond is formed when you realise that there's only your woody friend between you and utter humiliation.

This forged bond was to be put to the test just yesterday.

When sat on the toilet minding my own business, somebody opens the main toilet door with such force and brutality, it fills my heart with an instant sense of dread.

The ape then storms through to the first cubicle clearly in a rush, and attempts to open the first door to my left. No dice. There are only two doors. I'm next.

The suspense is killing me as Allan the ape then nearly rips the door handle off trying to get into my cubicle.

My face is no more than ten inches away from the handle itself.

Woody is holding steady, but still Allan tries harder. Woody starts to creak. Allan assumes that even though the occupied sign is clearly in place, it's not occupied and that the lock must be stuck.

I am frozen with terror as Woody holds his ground, and eventually Allan retreats back into whatever tree he came from.

Check the lock first, you spoon-fed.