Putting one's foot in one's mouth

It happens to everybody at one point or another.

You usually forget what company you're in, and you start acting yourself. That's mistake one. Mistake two is not thinking before you speak.

In the company of your good mates when you're having a laugh at each others' expense is one thing, but to forget the politics of not saying something out of turn at an important function or in the workplace is something entirely different.

Take case study a.

You are in the workplace, and you are privvy to a consultation between one worker and his co-worker.

For the sake of the post, we'll call worker number one - A, and worker number two - B.

B is asking for A's consultation on a document which requires his attention.

A is providing his opinion on what should be altered, and B is stating what he has done to the document already.

There's also an extra bit. B is gay, and A is utterly terrified of putting his foot in it.

Commence conversation:

B: So I decided to put that bit there, because that way it fits in with the next paragraph.
A: I agree. Nice one. Your attention to detail is very good.
B: Thanks. I'm aware I'm a bit fussy about these sorts of thing, but I've noticed that it's a good thing to get these things sorted early.
A: Yes. It does pay to be anal.

And there you have it. Mistake number one.

A is mistaken for thinking that B's even noticed what he just said, or what connotations it could have.

Yet it has just cast a complete shadow over what A was about to say. In fact, it has forced A to go and sit down at his desk and start to contemplate every word that he will say to B in the future.

B is still oblivious.

What A was going to say was completely innocent.

Following his last statement, he intended to say:

A: I've got a mate called 'Anal Dave'.

This stopped A in his tracks.

The fact that A's friend 'Anal Dave' was called that for absolutely no reason whatsoever (he is apparently straight and it makes no sense at all) is beside the point for A because he's already put his foot in it, and the conversation has come to an end.

Stay tuned for more conversations that make you wince.

Families Welcome

On my drive into the City of my place of work each morning, I drive past a variety of signs directing me to the next exciting place of business.

Each sign serves as the shining light to its location, complete with a catchy tag-line that not only attracts the eye in the first place, but also retains the reader's attention.

This lengivity is key to advertising. It's important that the user remains concentrated on the sign in order to not just take the information in, but to have it ingrained in their very subconscious ready to pull out and present to a friend when they ask the question: "I need a [insert tertiary industry supplier here]. Do you know one?"

For the reasons detailed above, it may be a very good reason why the owners of the sign get slightly peeved when it is defaced in some way.

On my drive, a sign always grabs my attention prior to my joining the motorway (highway). It relates to a pub that has recently opened a restaurant no more than 2 months ago, and is looking to attract fresh clientele to eradicate its stale image.

The sign reads something along the lines of (But is not necessarily formatted strictly like):

Come to the [insert pub name here]

Fresh food & Local Ales

[blank box]

Families welcome

Much like you, I'm not entirely sure what the box is for either. However, it's an invitation for vandals to deface it, and that's exactly what's happened. Scrawled into this box in black indelible marker-pen is a single word.

This word, written in crude block-capitals is standing testament to the imaginative, creative, thoughtful culture that Great Britain is unleashing onto the rest of the world.

Written in this box is the word: 'GAY'.

Gay families welcome. Good to know.

Next time I'm in Town with my gay family, I'll know where to go! Would the people who wrote this really be interested in attracting a predominantly homosexual demographic to the pub? No. They did it because they thought it'd be funny to write 'gay' on a sign that had a sufficient space for it.

Was it funny?

Yes.

I see the ironic nature in these things, things that've been picked up on my comedians and used in sketches like 'Vicky Pollard' of Little Britain, and every time I see something like this, I see people blissfully ignorant of the fact that they're living the stereotypical dream.

Maybe it's worth baring in mind that these things are quite funny really. It'll help ease your temperament if you're a landlord sanding indelible marker-pen off of your brand-new sign.