Inebriation breeds recollection

In each and every person is a cheesy song-and-dance routine just begging to escape. That song-and-dance routine gets a chance to escape people on the weekend, and on Saturday I bore witness to such a phenomenon.

In the depths of the human brain is their deepest recollection, and their subconscious. Something within our minds that we cannot fully unleash without hypnosis or some sort of catatonic state, one other method including getting absolutely plastered.

When the human body reaches a certain blood / alcohol level, the occupant's brain enters a prehistoric primate state where a ritual is enacted. The host is unaware that this is happening most of the time, and when they are aware, there's nothing they can do about it.

You get drunk, and one of the following songs is played at the bar you're in:

1. Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come on Eileen.
2. Dolly Parton - 9 'till 5.
3. Bon Jovi - Livin' on a prayer.
4. The Foundations - Build me up buttercup.

You hear one of the above. You lose control of your legs, arms, face and most likely, bladder.

You move them around in a random fashion to the music in a way that you think best suits the rhythm. You're always wrong.

This happens every week at every bar on our seaside resort of Weston-super-Mare, and it is now officially scientific fact. The human body only truly enjoys overplayed over-rated and ridiculously cheesy music when drunk.

Case rested.